uncle dave

ruairi, 5 months old (& still smiling)

last wednesday my sister & brother-in-law took themselves 2 new york new york (so good he named it twice) for a few days. neither of them had been before so good for them... & by all accounts they are having a great time. again, good for them. the only problem for us still @ home is that they left their 3 – yes 3 - children behind... an inquisitive 11 year-old boy, a testy, fractious 7 year-old madame & a 5 month-old boy, ruairi, who, if he could talk, would no doubt have told me well before now to piss off & stop sticking a camera lens in his face. I can’t help it – he’s so photogenic, as the picture above will attest 2 (btw, ruairi is the irish spelling of rory... yes we do have our own language over here). if i, god forbid, ever have kids i want them 2 be just like him, thank you very much - he never stops smiling, rarely cries, doesn’t fuss when getting fed, &, the clincher for me, sleeps through the night. i wonder (not really) where 1 gets babies like that. most of the 1’s i’ve seen 2 date require more work – way more work - than their small form would suggest. & they are cranky... smelly... & noisy, especially @ night when they should be sleeping. anyway, i digress. while i’m far from a model uncle it has been an interesting 4 days of kinsman/kinswomen bonding so far – with a couple more 2 go. our house is small, & my room – my refuge - even smaller, so all-out avoidance has been pretty much impossible (as has sleeping beyond 9am). but when i haven't had my camera @ the ready i’ve done my bit 2 entertain. yep, with ruairi left smiling & drooling in his highchair i’ve taken 7 year-old orla & 11 year-old cian (2 more irish names) out in the car a few times... &... emm... oh yeah, 2 the beach also, where they, of course, ignored my orders 2 stay out of the water (a reasonable request 1 would have thought considering they were fully clothed) & laughed heartily @ me as i tried miserably 2 chastise them. being authoritative with 11 & 7 year-olds just isn’t my thing i guess. but that’s okay - @ least they are not my 11 & 7 year-old’s.

‘the return’ - an update

i never did get a "we have a problem" call from the korean embassy following my interview last week. good... i suppose that means my passport is now ready for collection. i’ll pick it up @ some stage before hopping on the flights 2 korea on thursday. 3 days 2 go.

this & that news

beginning of rant.

omg. i've now seen it all. india have sent stuff - rockets & shit - into space on a 2-year mission of exploration (well, that's what they are calling it). the indians have, of course, done it cheaper than anyone else but still... with 95% of the country living below the poverty line shouldn't they make better use of their funds. the only people i suspect the indian’s are impressing with all this are those who have not been 2 their shambles of a country, i.e. those who have no idea how far the sort of money wasted on this 'look at us, aren't we a great developed country?' project would go in improving the lives of @ least some of the millions of everyday indians with no electricity, running water, shelter... or hope in life.

end of rant.

just for laughs is all

you gotta love this video of a pikey attempting something he/she, in hindsight, probably wished they hadn't. for those of you who don’t know, a pikey is someone from an underclass who is looked down upon; originally an irish traveller with no fixed abode, hence the caravan in tow. assuming you can understand what they are saying pikies are normally good for a laugh - not 2 mention a brawl - & they sure didn't disappoint in this video. you see, i don't just rib yanks & aussies here.

what i’m listening 2 right now

i'm trying 2 listen 2 air, kelly watch the stars but a cartain 7 year-old is badgering me about how great high school musical 3 was.

the interview

i had my visa interview today @ the korean embassy, the penultimate step of the elongated rigmarole of securing a yearlong korean visa. & just like the previous red tape hoops 1 needed 2 jump through 2 get 2 this stage, the interview itself was also, in my opinion, a total waste of time (not that i’m really bitching as time is all i have these days). sitting in a nice room in a nice building in a nice part of dublin opposite a nice smiley korean & overlooked by a nice, not to mention huge, picture of lee myung-bak the interview, for what it was worth, went something like this -

smiley korean: "so, is this your first time applying for a korean visa?"

i was asked this after a review of my application form, the 1 i had just filled out minutes earlier & the very same 1 on which i had stated that i had been issued 6 previous korean visas.

me: "no, i’ve been granted 6 previous visas."

smiley korean: "6! oh, so you like korea then?"

me: "yes, of course."

smiley korean: "what do you like best about korea?"

me: "well i like the food... & the people... they are very friendly."

i thought it inappropriate 2 mention the fact that i also like how they drink like fishes @ the drop of a hat. oh, & how the women are hot as. so i didn't mention either.

smiley korean: "so you like spicy food?...kimchi?"

me: "yes, of course."

such was the closed-question nature of the interview/conversation that i decided against elaborating 2 the still smiley korean that while i answered his latter question - whether i like kimchi or not - positively i don’t, in fact, like spicy food in general. whatever, it seemed 2 do the trick. he had heard enough.

smiley korean: "okay mr byrne. your visa will be ready friday. if there are any problems we will be in touch."

problems. wtf? he could have done without dropping that bit into the conversation but let's cross that bridge if/when we/i come 2 it. anyway, while i may have claimed the interview was a waste of nobody’s time only mine (actually there's no may about it - i did claim it was a waste of time), it did, i assume, serve a few important purposes for the korean's themselves. firstly it proved that i indeed only had 1 head. secondly it proved i could actually converse in english. & thirdly it proved that i wasn’t, or @ the very least didn’t appear 2 be, a crazed maniac & general danger 2 korean society. those revelations coupled with my paperwork, paperwork that proves 1) i’m not a criminal in the eyes of the irish state & 2) do actually posses a bona fide degree, means all i gotta do now is wait just a little bit longer.

‘the return’ – an update

i think i’ve covered that.

this & that news

while i'm definitely not a crazed maniac & a general danger 2 korean society unfortunately the same cannot be said for this guy who, for whatever reason, lost his cool in seoul yesterday & felt the need 2 knife people. it’s a pity he wasn’t out enjoying the gorgeous korean autumn instead.

just for laughs is all

i don’t necessarily prescribe 2 the notion that blondes & dumb go hand in hand, regardless of what you may think by looking @ these... remember, it’s just for laughs is all.



want more? of course you do. check out this blonde doing something she was born 2 do & this 1 who was obviously born with geography issues.

what i'm listening 2 right now

augustina, boston

touching base

it has been a pretty eventful last week or so for yours truly, eventful only compared 2 the previous 8 weeks of orgasmic uneventfulness. i’ve done a bit of gardening, got a haircut, drove 2 some utterly uninteresting parts of little old ireland, brought the dog for a few walks &, just 2 show i haven’t been living a life of total nirvana, undertook the chore of somewhat overhauling my mp3 player contents, proof unequivocal that maybe i didn’t have the most eventful of weeks after all. i’ve spent a large chunk of the week touching base with pretty much everyone who 1) i had yet 2 touch base with & 2) i don’t mind sharing my bases with, meaning i’m now free 2 return 2 kool-rea without evoking their “you were home but never contacted us” wrath. of course touching base @ home always involves, & did invlove, the ingestion of way 2 much alcohol, actions i may need 2 repeat in order 2 help me survive the coming week. patience @ the ready, uncle dave, patience @ the ready.

walking pip. brittas bay, wicklow, ireland. October 16th 2008

‘the return’ – an update

the koreans finally seem 2 have tired of delays... or more precisely, tired of delaying me. either that or they couldn’t find any more ways 2 stall ‘the return’ which will now happen on october 31st of this year of our lord 2008. 10 days. no bother. I can wait 10 more days. tick... tock... btw, the interview is tomorrow.

just for laughs is all

okay, so enough ribbing of the yanks (for now). it’s the 'yea-yah, bee-yah' aussies turn. they are, in my opinion, just as good @ laughing @ themselves as they are @ laughing @ others so i’m sure even simper-challenged aussies will enjoy these yanks take on their prototypical 'bloke'

& check out this guy. i’d imagine 1 of the requirements for a successful streak (as in the verb 2 run naked in a public place) would be 2 stay conscious @ least long enough 2 get chased down. but maybe i’m just being 2 harsh.

finally, this is budweisers take on streaking. crap beer, great adverts.

the first sex talk

i found this mildly funny the first time i read it. i’m refusing 2 read it again in case i don’t find it funny any more.

God nervously paces back and forth in front of Adam and Eve.

God: We need to talk. You've both have been alive for a full three weeks now, and you may have started to notice certain, um, urges when you're around each other.

The two stare blankly.

God: Let me start over. You know the birds and the bees?

Adam: I named them both. So?

God: You're right, that metaphor doesn't help or even make sense. To try another tack - there are only two of you. What if we wanted more?

Adam: I guess you could take another of my ribs, but that really hurt and now I whistle when I breathe.

God: Right! Well, if you love each other very much and decide to spend the rest of your lives with each other-

Eve: As opposed to whom?

God: Here, the angels gave me these diagrams. Maybe they help?

Adam: Oh THAT? We've been doing that for weeks! It's great!

Eve: Yeah! Wait, what's this next part? Is- Is that a little Adam? You put a little you inside me?!?

Adam: I did that? I am the man!

God: Technically, that is true.

Eve: Do I have to do the thing with the new Adam, too?

Adam: But- I thought you enjoyed the thing!

Eve: I do, but, um, God said we should only use it for making more you's. Or maybe me's. Any other time really pisses him off.

God: I did not say that.

Adam: Fine. What about that other, more complicated thing we tried? The one that doesn't make people?

Eve: Yeah, he's definitely against that one.

Adam: Well, heck, maybe I'll just go do it with one of the lions! How about that?

God: I can't believe you're making such a huge deal out of this simple, natural thing. Forget it. I'm not even going to tell you about super-orgasms.

Adam: Wait, what?

God disappears in a flash of lightning.

Adam: That was weird. Want to do the thing?

Eve: Is that all you think about?

what i'm listening 2 right now

the beatles, free as a bird

buster budget busters

Scratch what i foolishly claimed in my first blog; that i had developed a 6th sense that gave me the ability 2 foresee, & thus avoid, the ‘how-much-worse-can-this-get?’ stories of economic depression (remember, & in my defence, this blog is advertised as bunkum). i’m trying but it’s hard 2 avoid the continuing doom & gloom, end is nigh economic stories... those reporting on bankrupt banks (that has 2 be the big daddy of all oxymoron’s), disappearing pensions, plummeting stocks & general global financial meltdown. hard?... umm, i’d actually go so far as 2 say it’s impossible, assuming 1 chooses 2 interact in any small, even semi-eremitic way with society. not that i’m ever likely 2 practice asceticism where keeping abreast of worldly matters is concerned... but still, even if 1 chose 2 do so lately, & even if, like me, 1 really doesn't give a shit about economic armegeddon, i reckon you’d still find it hard not 2 wonder where all the money has gone. somewhere it isn’t coming back from is where, & with the irish government's delivery of the annual budget yesterday us irish can be sure that the light @ the end of the economic depression tunnel the country has entered is still a long way off. income tax, road tax, ‘what-the-hell-is-this-tax-for?’ tax... all up (they cunningly branded the income tax hike as a 'temporary levy' but they are not fooling anyone). petrol, cancer sticks, wine... all up. & they didn’t stop there either; with the old reliable's looked after they even found the audacity 2 remove a large cross-section of the populace - only the most vulnerable, the over 70's - from automatic free medical coverage, & hike the price, by a mere 100%, for anyone unfortunate enough to end up in an irish a&e room. oh, & not forgetting the introduction of a few hitherto unheard of taxes, like the flight tax that we're all going 2 have 2 pay 2.. well, fly. i'm not 2 sure what the official name of this new tax is but i'm labelling it as the ‘we’ll get you even when you’re trying to escape’ tax (btw, don't we already pay 'taxes & charges' on flights? of course we do - they are as unavoidable as... as, well taxes i guess - just now we pay 'more taxes & charges'). & so it went. it’s all a far cry from the spread-the-wealth budgets of the past 10 years & a stark reminder, if 1 were needed (it wasn't), that the poor old celtic tiger is well & truly dead. dead as disco. & guess who's paying for the funeral.

‘the return’ – an update

the wait for me 2 bail from the sinking ship that is the irish recessional economy drags on, & on, & on. the korenns have received my transcripts (the collection of which you may recall brought me on my recent trip down memory lane) so now i’m just sitting tight waiting for the green light... & the interview.

this & that news

speaking of the koreans, i see they have created a dancing robot... & because it’s Korean it dances, of course, 2 wonder girls tell me. now that it has dancing down the word on the street is that they are working on getting it 2 proficiently smash soju & teach english, negating the need for foreign teachers. watch this space.

& i read with alarm today how it has now been claimed that drinking beer shrinks the brain. i was almost prepared 2 consider curbing my beer intake until i delved deeper into the article & discovered it, the shrinkage, is more pronounced in women. wow, close 1. sorry girls... get a good man 2 look after you while you still can, especially if you're a booze hound.

just for laughs is all

check out this video, a satirical take on the u.s. presidential race. trust me, the subject matter aside, & unless you're void of a sense of humour - or have no idea what it's about - you'll find it funny.

lets stick with the yanks for now. & why not when they provide comedy such as this. the video below has over 17 million hits, & counting, on youtube, so that should tell you how popular it is... & for good reason. "we make a big blast crater out of the fucking middle-east for all i care." classic stuff.



a quote worth sharing

"Not that I don't feel like I'm part of the team, but when you get that nice celebration coming in the dugout and you're getting your ass hammered by guys, there's no better feeling than to have that done."
– Matt Stairs, Philadelphia Phillies baseball player after he hit a homerun to secure game 4 of the nlcs.

what i'm listening 2 right now

sia, soon we’ll be found, & doves, the cedar room

a trip down memory lane

i paid a visit 2 the campus of my university this afternoon & a simple trip 2 collect a set of transcripts turned into quite the trip down memory lane. i was intending a quick grab & run collection, but once i saw how much the place had changed in the 10 years since i graduated (sweet jesus, that means it’s 14 years since i enrolled) i decided 2 hell with it, lets, for old time’s sake, have a look around. so have a look around i did, seeing a 22 year old me in a lot of the abercrombie & fitch hoody, jansport backpack wearing students who were enjoying the festivities of fresher week.

'aggh yes, i remember getting drunk in there so many times, & there, & there 2... & there’s where i used 2 play pool while dodging lectures... & there is the library i only ever visited 2 photocopy lecture notes, or 2 see which saddos were actually studying... & there, ha, there is the corner where i got off with whatsername in rag week of 2nd year... or was it 3rd year?... god, she was hot, whatever year it was... i wonder what she‘s doing now?... & there’s the campus residence i crashed in so many nights when i wasn’t supposed 2... that warden i dodged is dead now... poor fucker died of cancer... joe was his name, i think... ummm... & there’s the bank that never wanted to give me any money... wow, what a great 4 years i had here... i wonder what 'the lads' are doing these days?... i really shouldn't have lost touch with them... shit happens... oh to be 22 again.’

a trip down dcu's memory lane wouldn’t have been complete without a saunter up & down the corridors of the faculty that, in its infinite wisdom, gave me a degree – the physics faculty. i did so safe in the knowledge that even if i was 2 bump into any faculty staff members (professors, lectures, engineers & the likes) familiar 2 yours truly, they were unlikely, very unlikely, 2 recognise me & therefore i probably wouldn’t have 2 explain 2 anyone how i haven’t done diddly with the degree they conferred upon me 10 years earlier. i was right – i didn’t see 1 egghead i recognised, although if i hung around long enough i would have... the staff names on the physics school doors is 1 aspect of dcu that hasn’t changed since my carefree student days.

this & that news

let’s keep with the physics theme for a bit. a surfer dude reckons he has found the holy grail of physics - a theory that unites Einstein's General Relativity (which explains how the universe works on very large scales) with that of quantum mechanics (which describes the world of tiny elementary particles)... you yawning yet? some folks clued into this sort of thing like it, others don’t. either way this surfer dude is presently, emm... riding a huge wave of publicity. boom boom... sorry, lame i know.

‘the return’ – an update

it looks like 'the return' is a go, albeit bite size, with a tentative start date of november 3rd. that’s only about 6 weeks later than initially planned but hey... as i always say, better late than pregnant.

just for laughs is all

is anyone else finding this whole sarah ‘pit bull in lipstick’ palin show hilarious? ordinarily i couldn’t care less who is at the helm in the states but if you are someone who, like me, remotely cares about the planet then you have 2 be, at the very least, slightly concerned about the prospect of a self-confessed hockey mum from alaska being 2nd in command of the world’s only superpower. it could happen folks. shiver. anyway, regardless of the election outcome at least sarah’s winks, 'darn rights’, ‘you betchas’ & ‘don’t cha knows’ is great fodder for those who like 2 give the rest of us a good laugh, especially if it's done as well as it is done here by the saturday night live crew in the states. remember folks, it's just for laughs is all... you betcha.

what i'm listening 2 right now

snow patrol, grazed knees

the best of canada

the hockey season started last night. its timing was/is impeccable as the mlb (baseball 2 you clueless types) playoffs are in full swing 2, meaning live north american sport broadcasts see me spending a lot of time in front of the tv these da... actually nights, thanks 2 4,000 miles of atlantic ocean, 5 time zones & the fact that i don’t find myself in any of the north american zones. but that’s ok; an advantage of having nothing 2 do every day is that i don’t have 2 get up until i want 2 get up, meaning i don’t have 2 go 2 bed until i want 2 go 2 bed. it’s a hell of an arrangement i made with myself & it’s working well thus far. of course sitting up until 4 or 5am (& not surfacing until noon the next day) reminds me every now & again how otiose my present existence is. but again, that’s ok. i’m comfortable with that. it’s only temporary. anyway, back 2 the hockey. i pretty much missed all of last season while i was travelling/screwing up my marriage so as a fan i’m a season removed from the game. maybe that’s why it felt weird/different watching a game again (& slightly distressing seeing the sens lose 2 no doubt start their season as they mean 2 go on). maybe it was the year off, maybe it wasn't. or maybe, as is more likely, i didn't get the same buzz i remember i used to get when watching hockey because.. well because, simply put, i ain't in canada any more. easily the most alarming consequence of that is the fact that i was forced last night 2 watch the game, shock horror, without a cold Keith’s (capitalised for respect) in hand. other consequences. well, there was no snow outside, there was no ron or don analysing & no bob or harry doing the play-by-play. yep, that was the problem alright - no Keith's & no hockey night in canada, both of which for me went hand in hand. make no mistake about it: hnic, Keith's & let's throw Timmy’s -- ditto with the capitalisation -- in there for good measure, was/is/are the best thing/s about that place, something i was reminded of last night. so pray tell, there you have it canadians – it has only taken me 14 very eventful months but i’ve finally discovered things i actually miss about the great white north. ohhh canada. enjoy the new season.

this & that news

so oj simpson was/is @ it again. nope, he didn’t kill anyone this time but it still seems like he’ll finally be getting 2 see what the inside of a jail cell looks like. 1 gets the feeling that they -- the authorities -- will/should take this opportunity 2 throw the proverbial book @ him... if for no other reason than 2, wink wink, atone for past miscarriages of justice. wouldn’t you have thought that a guy who so publicly got away with committing a crime, a crime the world & his brother knew he was guilty of committing (a double murder no less), would have counted his blessings, turned over a new leaf & generally spent the rest of his life not doing anything 2 covet any unwanted attention... you know, spend his days laying low & wallowing in his unmerited freedom & whatever celebrity pull he still has/had. yeah, i’d have thought so 2. but no, not oj. anyway, i hope he enjoys his new surroundings & the attention he'll no doubt receive in jail. celebs, i’d imagine, are prime targets in such dens of reform... & oj’s a bigger target than most.

it turns out that kim jong-il is still alive after all. reports of the great leader’s demise seem 2 have been 1) presumptuous, 2) wishful and 3) misplaced. still though, he’s no spring chicken so me thinks that there can’t be 2 many years of dictatorship & tyranny left in him. no one is wishing that more than the korean’s themselves.

omg. sorry ladies, but the worlds fattest man has just been taken off the die-cast reinforced shelf. & while she may be able 2 walk up the aisle to the hum of 'here comes the bride,' he won't. nope, he'll be towed... in his bed. oh, & he'll be staying away from the wedidng cake 2. good boy. chin up ladies - plenty more fish/whales in the sea.

‘the return’ – an update

it’s the weekend so no news from korea. i’ll be on them in the morning, in a non-anchorman “i wanna be on you” sort of way.

just for laughs is all

speaking of anchorman, take a look @ poor brian below as he suffers through what has 2 be the longest 4 minutes of his life. i’m not 1 2 laugh & others misfortune (as if) but this is halirious. 2:25sec - 'later he gets the rebound, passes it to the man, shoots it... & boom goes the dynamite’... & you’re fired.

what i'm listening 2 right now

kings of leon, fans